“Thus says the man. I am weary, O God, I am weary, O God. How can I prevail? Surely I am too stupid to be human; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the holy ones….“ My sentiments exactly!
I woke so angry at myself for being myself, so out of control with my environment as it crept into the dusty corners of the apartment…clutter…dishes…laundry…and work. My body was so tired and I leaned into my past, self talking myself into misery and depression.
But last evening my routine had changed some. At work, I had begun trying to memorize scripture verses -something I had claimed to myself impossible long ago so I hadn’t bothered to try. Well the time was right…ah…His time is always right…and the verses came easy.“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
So caught in the trap and black pit of depression approaching, I called. “Lord, Your word says if I call, You will answer. Help me, please.”
It’s not like I heard anything from above or from within, but my mood changed. The self talk was not so angry and finger pointing. I made coffee. I washed the dishes. I sat at the porch table and smoked a cigarette.. When I finally got to reading His Word, the above quote were the first lines:
“Thus says the man. I am weary, O God, I am weary, O God. How can I prevail? Surely I am too stupid to be human; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the holy ones….“ How had He known I would feel like this? How had He known I would need the very lines I had memorized?
I closed The Bible and sat…just sat…washed in HIS Love for me and my love for Him.
