I woke up late. So angry. Most of my day gone already. No time left to do what needs to be done. Bills…(especially the bills. They seem to have escaped me. The pressure of the dollar sign like a cement block on my shoulders, squeezing the breath out of me. Never enough. Never enough. And then the old echoes “I’m never enough! I’m never enough!” Not enough for what this family needs. Not enough for what work expects or I expect of myself at work. Never enough for me!
A toothache
A headache
Why do days start like this?
I stopped the mentally rattling long enough to put wood in the woodstove and make a coffee. “Hey google, play Hillsong.”
I sat in the rocker in front of the open woodstove. A flame had just begun to flicker from the red embers. Peace? Sort of.
Maybe my morning prayer time will just be this…just sitting, rocking, with my eyes closed…
So I sit inside the music and the fire embers and remember…He has always been here.