This was a morning of quiet time and reading that hit home with every minute passed and word read. Hours later my head is still spinning.
A human, albeit chosen of God, stood between the plague and the temple.
“…between the living and the dead, and the plague stopped.” (Numbers 16:48)
A single person chosen by God to pray…Well just suppose I (among many) have been chosen by God to pray for Ukraine? So be it! One person can make a difference.
“I am giving you the service of the priesthood as a gift.” (Numbers 18:7)
“I am giving you the service of prayer as a gift.”
I paused in my daily reading. Just suppose, I thought…or did He speak to me?
“Hold it dear to your heart as you would a prized gift from your parents.”
I remember only the gifts from my parents that were not wanted.
“Remember this! And act accordingly, It is from Me. But you’ve known that. You recognized the gift of prayer as from the Holy Spirit. But you wanted more…the gift of healing. If you have not done well with the gift of prayer because you have not accepted it as a gift from God, why would I give you more if you have not done well with what was already given?”
“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away… Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’
He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? 27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.‘” (Matthew 25:14-30)
I remember pacing the woods behind John’s house in Maine, praying even with tears and physical beating of the chest wherein the heart beat, to be like my dad, a healer, but in the spiritual sense, to lay hands on people and pray, and see the miracles of God become miracles in and of the flesh. This was the part I wanted to play in God’s world. This was my desire. My need. Sounds stupid when said out loud but it wasn’t stupid to me then. I had read of the gifts of healing:
“But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal. For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; to another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit…(1 Corinthians 12:7-9)
But I had been given the gift of prayer. I thought of it as the lowliest of gifts: everyone prays. I had forgotten about the unnamed little girl at Portsmouth Hospital that I was led to pray for every night in my car in the hospital parking lot. Prayer and fasting. And she was healed.
And Teddy my young gray cat: He had fallen out of a tree and broke his back from his hip to his tail, dragged himself through the woods, across the yard to home. “Put him down.” the vet suggested. I couldn’t. So I set him up in a large dog pen with room for food, water, and a pee pad, slept on the floor beside him, and prayed. Every night for more than a month, while he healed. While he healed! Walked a little crooked, but that was it.
Then there was Pete’s wife…
And Bobbie…
But I didn’t consider this a particular gift. Everyone prayed. We all prayed. People I never met prayed for people we never knew because that’s what Christians do…
How ungrateful I had been. I knew deep down that my desires were out of spiritual greed. I wanted to be seen; I wanted to be noticed; I wanted to be recognized as someone special. God’s desire for me came from LOVE.
“Everything is yours – just pray.”
“If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” (John 15:7)
“Everything is yours – just pray – from a place of love – from The Place of Love – My LOVE!”
“You will have no inheritance in their land, nor will you have any share among them; I am your share and your inheritance…” (Numbers 18:20)
Then it dawned on me that I was having a conversation with what I had been reading and something else…God speaking? I thought this was all in my head as I usually do.
“You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen. He is not here.”
He has risen. To somewhere I couldn’t see; but I know He has been and will be again. Christian theology. So why not here and now?
In me where I couldn’t see Him? Within me as He said He could? Through His Holy Spirit as He promised He would? If I believed in His gifts for here and now, I certainly could believe He could speak to me here and now. But I’m no saint. Not even close. Why would He care about me?
But He does. Through me and the gift of prayer, He cares about everyone.
Yet I had tossed this gift aside like my mother had tossed the book I had written just for her in the trash without even reading a single page.
Toss God’s gift aside? How stupid of me, even as He had continued to bless me despite my stupidity. Christ crucified despite us.
“When Jesus arose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. She went and told those who had been with him and who were morning and weeping. When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.
“Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. These returned to the rest; but they did not believe them either.
“Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe…” (Mark 16:9-14)
Help my unbelief, I have cried on more than one occasion.
Help my lack of faith and stubborn refusal to believe, I cried now.
“Pray with and from the gift of the Spirit. Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
Psalm 55: “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”(One Year Bible/March 12)
But You have not called me to run and hide; You have called me to pray.
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords”
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“But as for me, I trust in you.”
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
From every book I read this morning, there were passages through which God spoke.
“…Even if the multiple burdens of time may be lifted from here, the one mighty single burden of eternity begins to press down upon him with a weight more crushing than all the woes of the world piled one upon another. that mighty burden is his obligation to God…” (Tozer-NSRV Daily Bible/Day 71 )
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“It includes an instant and lifelong duty to love God with every power of mind and soul, to obey Him perfectly, and to worship Him acceptably.” (Tozer-NSRV Daily Bible/Day 71 )
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“O God, help me come to a right belief about you. Lord preserve me from ever taking you for granted. With every power in my mind and soul, I desire to love you, obey you, and worship you.” (NSRV Daily Bible/Day 71
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”
“Your standard must never be the world’s standard.” (God Calling/March 12)
“Yet Godric prays the way he believes, for else his heart would wither in his breast. Prayer is the wind that fills his sail. Else waves would dash him on the ocks, or he would drift with witless tides. And sometimes, by God’s grace, a prayer is heard.” (Listening To Your Life/March 12)
“Be brave and courageous. Pray.”