It was a horrible day at the inn today, my employer’s text was no better, and the new landlord’s note slipped under my front door was cold, impersonal and financially frightening. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten a half-pint of ice-cream for dinner.
“Ask and you shall receive.”
Just peace, O Lord, just peace.
These speakers and writers make so much sense. Their directives are to the point and positive. The latest have been Robin Sharma and don Miguel Ruiz. The Leader Who Had No Name. The Fifth Agreement.
But they don’t mention You, Lord. And I need You!
So I ask for peace, O Lord, just peace.
Isaiah 8:11 “For the Lord spoke this to me while his hand was strong upon me, and warned me not to walk in the way of this people…”
Then how do I walk?
Tonight I am falling short, O Lord. I just want to sit with You, be near You. But where are You? How is it possible that You can be everywhere and here by my side all at the same time, at once? I want so much of this life that is left me. I desire so much of myself for myself. Yet here I sit at midnight so empty and depleted of everything I thought I was or could be. I need You.
“It is true that it needs trouble to shake us up and drive us to prayer, though I feel every time that it is something to be ashamed of, as indeed it is.” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
Through this maze of thoughts and clutter, I just desire You. Not to do anything. Not to say anything. Just to sit at Your Feet and be near.
Sleep doesn’t come. The dreams have lost their luster. The old cat falls out of the litter box and her younger sibling stares at me from the doorway waiting for dinner that is 6 hrs late.
“I will wait for the Lord, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob, and I will hope in him.”
Hope is an intangible word with no edges or dimensions. “For a child has been born for us, a son given to us; authority rests upon his shoulders; and he is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His authority shall grow continually, and there shall be endless peace for the throne of David and his kingdom. He will establish and uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time onward and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.” But the cat in the doorway still cries for dinner and I am still so empty. “…but in pride and arrogance of heart they said: “the bricks have fallen, but we will build with dressed stones; the sycamores have been cut down, but we will put cedars in their place.”
I can’t imagine living in the Old Testament days. As I walk the streets of Newcastle NH, I can’t imagine living in colonial days. Our days, these days are different. With cell phones, lamborghinies and blue jeans. We act differently, think differently, expect of ourselves and others differently. Does that change our relationship with You and You with us? Does time change everything? How can You be the same today tomorrow and yesterday when life is so different? But I need to know that You are the same. I need to depend on something.
I need to know that if I ask, I’ll receive because You promised.
Tonight I ask for peace. And I wait!