I woke up this morning with only “why”s. No answers. Only the question. A handful of questions that questioned my actions and motivations for almost everything that I do in a day.
If I know sugar causes brain fog and weight gain, then why do I consume it?
If I know how to eat and exercise, then why don’t I eat and exercise that way?
If I know how to live, then why don’t I just live that way?
One ‘why’ after the other as I walked to the bathroom, as I gathered an arm full of split wood from the woodroom, as I wandered into the kitchen space to make coffee.
Even as I settled into my writing corner I wondered “Why all the whys?”
…Because on a deeper level it is not just my ‘why’ but a national and international cry of why, as if the spirits of an unspoken gathering from a million unmarked town squares are all axing out the same question. It’s weird when the voice inside me seems bigger than I am…
I try not to get involved with politics. I try not to peek at the news. I skip over the Twitter headlines; I scroll past the TikTok videos. I drift to the island of Facebook cats and cooking. Yet I just can’t escape the obvious. Like the parts of my life that by choice are spiraling downhill, so is my country, so is Europe, so is Asia, Africa, South America. I mean, really – tariffs on Canada? The Gulf of America? The bird flu forcing the price of eggs to $5.00 a dozen while the US backs out of The World Health Organization so we as citizens don’t know what to do, what to expect? And all of us fearful to say anything, to stand up against everything? Why? Why? Why?
Is it my life being reflected in the world around me or is the world around me being reflected in my life? What happened to the concept that we are all connected by love?
It was alright to see Russia chip away at its morals, political and economical ethics, its framework of civil society.
Yet now I am witnessing the same degradation in my own country and it is not alright. And I don’t know how to stop it!
I expected the Russian citizens to step up. Yet now I am in their position and I understand how they could not. Because I cannot.
Step up?
How about kneel down!
When evil sinks it’s invisible teeth into the very framework of life, it cannot be extracted like a rotten tooth. It seems that the only anesthetic is laughing gas or silence. At every turn evil glares “Got ya! I’m bigger than you. I’m more powerful than you. Even your God can’t save you now!”
“My tears have been my food day and night, wile they continually say to me, “Where is your God?” (Psalm 42:3)
Yet to God is the only place to turn.
It should have been the first place to turn to when the first signs began to glimmer. But at this point, any time will do. Maybe even NOW.
Jesus died on the cross…
I cower in my room…
“Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’ ” In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.
From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”(which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.”
Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink. The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.”
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.” (Mathew 27:39-50)
Mankind-Humankind has been doubting the existence of God since Adam and Eve struggled with the serpent in the garden. Why evil? Why free-will? Why the ever existing option to live or die? Why live at all?
Most often I pray sitting on the bed with a journal at my side and a pen in hand. But today, I drop to my knees. To cower in my room while the world goes to hell is no longer an option!
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (1Peter 5:8-9)